4 ways to BALANCE TOXIC MASCULINITY

Healing toxic masculinity within through mindfulness, meditation, self care practice, and sound meditation

TOXIC MASCULINITY

How do we begin to address the complexities of healing the toxic masculinity that modern society has normalized? This weekend I was inspired by listening to this insightful podcast with Bayo Akomolafe (listen here), which discussed toxic masculinity as dominance, always knowing, and seeking some sense of completion, in that there is a known goal that will complete the individual as perfect, maybe even godlike. Even the Christian depiction of god in art is an old white male. I realize how much of my inner life has been experienced within this paradigm, revealed through making practically anything happen with tension, forcing (and perhaps latter adjusting, thank you feminine side), pushing, rushing, hoping that if I do enough I can finally rest, or come home, to myself. Some call this left-brain dominance, manifested in our society becoming more specialized as well as male dominated, seeking to find a category for everything, understand it intellectually and see which box it fits into. But everything needs balance, we also need to understand things as a whole and as interrelated to everything else, which is the right side of our brain, or feminine side. But wait! That's just another category! You might say. This is where mindfulness, self care, and sound meditation come in, to help us step out of the boxes.

1. BALANCING THROUGH MINDFULNESS

Perhaps I was drawn to the mindfulness practices of mindful listening and mindfulness meditation in order to intuitively find balance within. These mindfulness practices begin to soften the inherent judgement and rigidity in perspective and body, and practice awareness beyond the box that the toxic masculinity puts us ALL OF US in (if we don't create another rebellious box in reaction to it). The mindfulness practice of just noticing without judging, even adding playfulness and curiosity, softens the judgement and allows us to open the perspective from the small box of our conditioned view to a wider viewpoint where we can actually perceive more of what is.

2. BALANCING THROUGH SELF CARE

I am in the process of creating a self care course, as I began to realize that this softening physically and mentally through mindfulness can be practiced in any number of simple, enjoyable, and totally mundane ways throughout the day that connect us with more experience of love, actually. Merely being aware of what you are seeing and hearing in the moment, especially for a specific amount of time (i.e. 5 minutes on a timer) is an excellent way to practice being mindful throughout the day. Add enjoyment to it or an inner smile, and the action gets a loving glow that softens the experience even more. A simple act of self care such as getting a glass of tea and sipping it mindfully for that 5 minutes, noticing the smell of the tea, noticing your breath, noticing the taste, enjoying it without doing anything else, helps to soften these intrenched patterns of tightening, forcing, judging, pushing, over-thinking and rushing through the day without awareness. I have noticed that the more I practice mindfulness through meditation and self care, infusing more right-brained activity into my day, the more I experience balance of the over-indulged left brain self.

3. BALANCING THROUGH MEDITATION

I was contemplating all of this on a walk today in silence, and I remembered how Bayo talked about sitting with wherever you are as a remedy for toxic masculinity. The simplicity of sitting WITH the wound, with the imbalance, and not trying to fix it in that moment, is part of the healing process. This practice of just sitting can be seen as a feminine right-brained practice, or just as an equanimous practice, JUST BEING, sitting in a space in the middle or wherever it is, allowing to feel that space without fixing it. Practicing actually NOT knowing is actually much more open and real. I thought of my meditation tonight where I sat with an old egoic pattern of grasping towards an ideal that probably doesn't even exist. I sat with it for an hour, and eventually it began to soften as I observed it. I probably wouldn't have seen the pattern so clearly if I hadn't been just sitting there, observing it. Allowing it just to be, to be seen, as it is, gave it the freedom to loosen its grasp just a bit.

4. BALANCING THROUGH SOUND MEDITATION

My last thought about balancing the left and right brain hemispheres is found naturally through sound meditation. I remembered the studies on sound that my teacher Alexandre Tannous did, EEGs on the brain while listening to specific overtone instruments (see all of the studies he did here). The left and right brain naturally synchronized with each other on hearing these powerful instruments (see figures below, the baseline being the brainwaves before listening). You can also see how the overtone instruments welcome the brainwaves naturally to lower frequencies that are found in deep meditation and dream sleep (theta). This is called brainwave entrainment, which I discuss in an earlier post here.

These are all valid and effective ways of balancing the overactive left-brained self we all have internalized in some way or another. There is great work to be done. My vote is do it all! Starting with whichever brings you the most joy today! Check out the sound meditation and mindful listening programs we offer here. If you’d like some feminine power inspiration, check out my musical meditation on the feminine principal here. Good luck, and may patience, compassion, and all those other feminine virtues be with you on your journey ahead!